Paradis. Heaven. Iad. Hell. Welcome to my Limbo. Rock My World.

I’ve been slightly busy this weekend. Last friday, I went back to my Alma Matter, Immaculate Conception Academy GREENHILLS, for the Days with the Lord weekend. [I may write in vague terms just in case non-dazers see this] I haven’t been back for such a long time and I’ve forgotten how to play the guitar. (I serve for MC). Before attending the “W”, my old kabarkada mate Angela, and I, went to a nearby kabarkada’s house to return an anime DVD she borrowed. We stuck around for quite some time, discussing about potential get togethers, and reminiscing the good-ol’-days. We returned and the W was already finished and my guitar went missing. We went to the meeting place to discover it wasn’t there so we went looking for it and met our old CLE teacher. We discussed our college lives with her… and about my Theology this semester… then we found my guitar then went back to practice.For saturday… Tugon had it’s Team Building Seminar entitled “UN Tugon”. Which stands for both the United Nations, and U n’ Tugon. The officers, as well as a few other older members had dressed up for the event in clothes representing different UN countries and we had a blast! Tugon’s really funny. They make sabaw, unprepared activities, look like they purposely made it sabaw to make us laugh. I especially loved it when they started dancing… it seemed like an inside joke thing… but it made my laugh anyways. Afterwards, today, I went back to ICA GH, to attend LW and the mass. I meet old friends such as Kara, as well as Fee’s cousin, Kim. Oh! And I found out that my neighbor Jasmine, also had her DWTL this weekend. It was fun… and cold (because of the aircon). I did much better today, than I did last friday. Although I still made a lot of mistakes. Whoops! I have such bad memory. I’m definitely getting Alzheimer’s when I’m old. /sob 

Hello! I’m trying to start blogging again. Hopefully something happens this time around. Going to all these blogger events with my mom is a bit cool. :D I went to this Nestle Pop’s thing… and to this Pond’s Miracle Age thing…

I changed my layout… again… but there are still bugs bec I’m not really sure how to use this theme. Lol. For example, the drop down menu works, however the individual post links give fatal errors. Comments are also fatal. Archives are not working as well. Great. But at least you get to read this! :D And the search bar works too! If you have something important to tell me, email works. :D Please go to the cool drop down menu and click contact me.

Edit!!!!!!!!!!

The Site Works! …Well… Except for the Archives Link :D

The wind. You can neither grasp it nor touch it, but you can feel it flowing through your fingers or blowing through your hair. It isn’t within our capabilities to dictate where the wind goes. Instead, we let the wind take us.

Change is constant. We can not escape the flow of time. It shapes us each time something happens to us whether we’re just walking down the street and we come across the neighbor’s cute dog, or if we decide to open up our hearts again. We may or may not feel the changes that happen to us, but if we pause and reflect on our lives, it will become more obvious to us.

So many things have happened to me already that I wonder if I am still the person I used to be. I’ve experience death so many times. I’ve survived broken friendships. I have loved and been loved. I have had my heart broken. All that… and more…

I used to be really shy, but as time passed, I became stronger and more confident. Although a little of that part is still left in me, I believe that I’ve changed so much since then. I also ‘grew’ up. I used to have such an idealistic view of the world. I believed that the world was really good. I believed that life was great and as long as I believed, I wouldn’t get hurt. I was wrong.

Now, I find myself in between a war. A war between my heart… and my mind. I can’t accept reality. I believed in my ideals too much to let it go. My idealistic nature is part of me. To let go of my ideals, is to lose my identity. Some people would say I’m stupid… but no matter how hard I try, or no matter how many times reality strikes me… I can’t change that part of me. Although there are times that I accept reality for fear of being hurt again. But still, in the deepest corners of my heart, I still believe that everything would be okay. Sometimes I act mature. I say things that are realistic and true…but… it hurts. It hurts to say something you know you have to say or do something you know you have to do… even if it is against your will.

However, I continue to fight. I believe and hope I’m still fighting. I don’t want to be like the others who have given up. So if I have ever given you realistic advice, and I sounded so serious… please don’t believe me. We don’t need more realistic people in the world. Perhaps in order to heal the world, we must first have faith and learn to respect that faith.

It is love. It’s name is Kuroki. Kuro meaning black. Ki meaning shine/radiance. Plus I have a pet wireless mousy too named Shiroki. Shiro meaning white. :3I love black and white.Happy 0 yr. Birthday Kuroki! Shiroki! :3 

There’s this really unusual yet interesting site my En11 professor mentioned to us earlier. It’s called PostSecret. It’s a blog w/c contains the secrets of different people who sent them to the author anonymously. I find it interesting because sometimes, what we think is embarrassing, may be normal for someone else. (Side Comment: It’s a genius idea, but I also think that it makes us realize something else. How come these people are telling their deepest and darkest secrets to some person they don’t know, yet they can’t even tell their friends. I think that if we can manage to tell the online community our secrets, we should also be able to tell our friends. It’s just a thought.)

There were also many contradicting secrets. One mother wished she hadn’t aborted her child, while one wished she did. One person went to her prom with a gay guy… but hey? That’s okay. I mean, I think going with a gay guy is fine. Your date doesn’t necessarily have to be your lover/crush. You could also go with a good friend. Some people also admitted to want to commit suicide, while others proudly said that they’ve decided to choose life over death. A person commented about dating a nerd guy…and laughing about how nerdy he was… but actually… He dumped her. I found this stereotype against nerds annoying. However, maybe because I’m a bit nerdy myself. I like Star Trek. I like anime. I go to conventions. I like nerdy guys. Nerdy guys are cool. They have a lot to talk about. (Nerd stuff, but hey! They’re interesting to listen to… most of the time)

However, the ’secret’ that struck me the most was the picture of kids in a pool with the text, “I miss our old problems”. I don’t like the idea of growing up. I feel old. I still long for the days where the only problems I had were to fix my Barbie dolls and put them back in the cabinet after I was through playing with them. I miss the days when everyone was your friend. When you grow up, friendships break often. I miss the days when you didn’t have to worry about love and relationships. Fighting hurts. No matter how big or how small the problem is. I miss the days when love and friendship brought two people together, not apart. (Fyi: I’m not talking about myself in that sentence) I miss the days when you didn’t have to worry about money because you were too young to do so. I miss the days when you didn’t really understand what ‘war and poverty’ were, so you’d always think of the world as full of sunshine and happiness.

I envy Peter Pan. Although, ‘falling in love’ is a wonderful feeling. (Something NOTHING can compare to). Sometimes, you can’t help but feel that the hurt is too much to bear, that not even the wonderful feelings can help heal the past. Once you’ve opened your eyes to the realities of the world, there’s no turning back. I wish I was still as innocent as I was before. Sometimes I wish I could redo that moment when my eyes were opened to the world… But I can’t. It has helped me grow as a person, but it had also destroyed me.